I freaking love Alterac Valley. Love it. It’s big, chaotic and produces some of the best PvP fights I’ve had the pleasure of being part of in World of Warcraft so far. To win a match, especially on the Alliance side, it requires the cooperation of dozens of strangers who all have a different idea of what is required to accomplish the goal. It’s great. So great, in fact, that I recently almost wet my pants.
Now, I’m a big boy. Adult, some would say. I’ve got a job, a mortgage, a dog, a wife…the whole deal. As you know by now I’m a pretty casual player who just gets a kick out of running my Druid around causing havoc, wacking Hordies and generally escaping from real life for a while. Hell, I’m happy I finally figured out that the difference is between a Solar Rotation and a Lunar Rotation. I’ve not actually soiled myself (with the exception of my Bachelor Party which is a whole different post) in decades. Why the hell would a PvP round in AV reduce me to this state?
It was one hell of a fight, lemme tell you. Both side were pretty much neck in neck. We’d take a tower then lose it. They’d overrun a graveyard and we’d take it right back. The unwashed masses were actually working as a team, if you can believe it. We had a couple of guys who somehow were able to direct the group towards a common goal. One guy would shout out, “Take IBGY!” and it would happen. Crazyness.
The nearly-pants-wetting moment came as we swarmed into the area where Iceblood Tower is. This spot is always a bit of a fight as everything sort of bottlenecks right there. Sometimes it’s a blow through and other times, like this one, it’s a knock down drag-out street fight. I got the tingle just as we rolled in. You know that tingle…it’s Mother Nature saying, “Hey…we gotta go.” Bad timing…I figured I could hold out.
What ensued was one of the nastiest fights I’ve seen yet. Healers were actually healing the DPS guys. Those of us with AoE were using it. Pets were jumping all over the place. The Hunters were around the perimeter just pouring lead into the Horde. There were a couple of Shamans going simply batshit right up front. Dead players were actually getting rezzed on the spot. Rogues were picking of those Horde not smart enough to stay in the group. But the Horde were on their game too. In fact it looked like everyone in the match was right there in one massive knot of ass kicking. A few minutes went by…then a few more. I could not possibly walk away at the moment. I had not one but two pocket healers feeding me. Mana seemed too fall from the heavens. There I was, in all of my Boomkin glory, popping Starfalls, Typhoons and Hurricanes. Dotting everything in range with Moonfires, Faire Fire and Insect Swarm. The Starsurges seemed to crit every time throwing up big, BIG numbers. My Treants were running around like coked-up kids with a penchant for violence. When a Horde jumped me they were instantly cut down. It was glorious. And we were making ground.
Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the Horde was getting pushed back. My bladder was also pushing back and losing its patience. Now, the bathroom is about 15 steps from my office desk. Suddenly I didn’t have any more time. The old body whispered, “Hey, you…idiot. We’re going to take a leak right now.” I managed to back my Druid up a few steps then bolted for the toilet. It was very, very…very close but I made it…listening to the sounds of the battle rage on in the next room. I dashed back buckling the belt on the way expecting to see the dreaded “Release to Graveyard” button. The fight raged on and Bolink was unharmed….standing right in the middle of the fray just looking around calmly.
It just goes to show you…when you gotta go you gotta go. Just don’t wet yourself for a AV round. Or, if you really have to…make sure you win the damn thing.